Eclipse
by ohneko
Summary: When Sirius Black's prank goes horribly awry, Severus Snape is forced to concede to a future he never imagined. Wildly AU. Multiple pairings.
1. Beneath the Moonlight

Title: Eclipse  
Rating: R  
Main Characters: Severus Snape, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter  
Pairings: Severus/Lily, Remus/Sirius Setting: Hogwarts castle, Marauder's fifth year  
Summary: When Sirius Black's prank goes horribly awry, Severus Snape is forced to concede to a future he never imagined. While change makes some improvements in his life, including an unlikely friendship with a Marauder and a romantic relationship with his best friend, Severus learns not everyone is entitled to happy endings. AU. Severus POV. Multi-pairing.  
Spoilers: PoA and beyond  
Challenge: Sky Samuelle proposed an AU Sevily where "_Sirius' prank on Snape in fifth year go awry when James doesn't reach Severus in time: Lupin bites Severus, almost killing him. Lily realizes her feelings for her best friend might not be only platonic_". The challenge is posted on FictionAlley Park.  
Word Count: 1,486  
A/N: Feedback is most welcomed!!!

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**i **"Regarding him, say neither bad nor good,  
For he is gone beyond the good and the bad." -- Rumi; _Our Death is Our Wedding with Eternity_

**ii. **"Time bringeth swift to end  
The rout men keep;  
Death's wolf is nigh to rend  
These silly sheep.  
See, how in pride they go  
With lifted head,  
Till Fate with a sudden blow  
Smiteth them dead." -- _The Rubaiyat of Jalal Al-Din Rumi_

**iii.** "I must tell you  
I am on the prowl  
and  
when the moon is full  
beware" _- _Ann Barcelon; _The Prowl_

It was dark, impossibly dark, but somehow, nonetheless, I saw him running.

Lupin -- Remus. The thin, shy, retiring Gryffindor prefect who looked incapable of hurting a fly. He was hurtling himself full-tilt towards me with wild energy, forcing his limbs to move faster, faster still. His light brown hair flew out behind him, somehow longer than I remembered it being that very morning, when I had eaten a mundane breakfast in the Great Hall with my Slytherin comrades, believing it to be just another ordinary day.

Clouds shifted, exposing a cruel, bloated moon. It stared down at me, casting a bland, white spotlight on Lupin, and suddenly I saw, with a jolt of shock, that it was not actually Lupin running towards me at all, but some beast doing a poor imitation of him. His mild, intellectual face was a mask of hate; slobbering, foam dripping from impossibly large jaws, his muzzle -- _muzzle! _-- stained crimson with blood, he tracked me with eyes that were no longer pleasantly hazel but downright golden. Thin, slit pupils scanned the night for the slightest move while he scented the air, determining the best route of attack. His faded school robes were in tatters; thick black claws emerged where his bitten fingernails ought to have been.

Distantly, I heard someone shouting. I thrust my trembling hands into my pockets in search of my wand, but I was shaking too hard to get a decent grip on it, and it slipped from my sweaty hands, falling to the ground. Lupin was closing in; the arc of his body seemed to fly at me; he was moving towards me so fast he barely seemed to be touching the ground. He was on all fours, his hands having given way to brutal paws, his blunt teeth exposed as he widened his jaw. _Werewolf_, my stunned mind whispered; all those midnight hours of research, tailing Lupin and his friends around wondering what they could be up to, and here was my answer, charging towards me with murderous fury.

"Severus, get out of the way, man," shouted a voice I recognised as belonging to James Potter. He sounded incredibly far away. "Pick up your wand," he called, and I detected a note of panic in his tone. "Get out of here!"

I bent low, my fingers fumbling in the dewy grass as I tried to locate my wand. Twice, my hands closed over something that felt like it, and I felt blessed relief well up in me, but both times I came up clutching nothing but a fistful of twigs.

The werewolf, silver-grey in the eerie light of the full moon, slowed. Cocking his head, he took a hesitant step towards me, sniffing the air. There was no Lupin left in his soulless eyes; the face studying me found books and notes incomprehensible and focused on nothing but the pounding of hot blood in my jugular. I pictured him leaping, tearing out my throat, and felt myself shake. My useless legs gave way and I toppled into my backside in the grass, both hands still frantically searching for some weapon I could use against him.

"No!" James screamed. He was far from us still, near the edge of the lake. His unkept black hair was plastered to his face by sweat and his clothes were torn in places, the sleeves of his Muggle-style shirt ripped nearly off of his body. "Remus! Hey!" Waving his arms about, he attempted to draw his friend's attention, but the wolf had eyes only for me.

Squeezing my own eyes closed, I tried to persuade myself that I was safe and warm in my comfortable bed. I pictured the Slytherin common room, the fire in the grate that never quite warmed the area enough but which nonetheless sounded heavenly at the moment. I was freezing, I was wet; something, sweat or piss or dew, clung to my clothes, which in turn hung against my skin.

A black dog tore out from nowhere, leaping from the reeds near the lake and charging towards Remus with a quick, unsteady gait. It was a huge animal, nearly as big as a regular sized wolf itself, but distinctly more in control than Remus. Bounding towards the werewolf, snapping at his heels, the dog barked a number of times, whining and baying as it attempted to get the attention of the werewolf at its side.

I took the opportunity to pull myself up. Staggering upright, holding my hands out in front of me, I backed away two paces.

"No, Snape, don't move," called the black dog, which unfurled itself and reformed as Sirius Black. As I stood gaping, he shook his head wildly. "Don't run! Stay still. He -- he'll hunt you if you move."

The werewolf tipped back his head and howled a wild love call to the moon above, which flashed back with the reflected light of a number of stars. Sirius skittered a few steps away, his wand held firmly in one tight fist. He looked pale, though somehow still dashing, his hair smooth and his clothes as neat as if he had just spent the past hour preening. Inexplicably, he was laughing; a manic sound issued from his throat as he tossed his own head back, pointing his chin to the sky.

"You wanted -- you wanted to see where we went at night, did you, Snape?" Sirius smirked, clutching his stomach. "Couldn't leave well enough alone, had to try and get us into trouble. Well, here you are," he choked out, pointing at Remus. "Moony's little secret, and you know all. Are you happy now?" His dark eyes flashed with sudden, mirthless hatred and the laughter died in his throat. "Do you have all the answers now, Snape?"

"Sirius, don't," cried James weakly. He staggered over, holding a small rodent in between his hands. The animal cowered and shook between his palms. "Distract Moony, I'll get him out of here."

The werewolf had begun to circle during the short exchange, creeping ever closer as his revolutions took him a few feet nearer with every turn. He sniffed the air, panting, and his eyes lolled madly. A pink tongue, spotted with blood and what looked like bits of fur, hung between his parted jaws. I could see the razor-like teeth, impossibly sharp triangles that seemed to bide their time until they could be put to use sinking into hot flesh.

Sirius looked suddenly alarmed. "Moony, Moony, no!"

Dropping to the ground, he resumed his dog-shape; even as I trembled in horror, a part of me calculated the praise I would received from my favourite professors after turning in Black as an illegal Animagus. In contrast to the real Sirius, the dog looked matted and rather feral; not a speck of Sirius' haughty, well-bred mannerisms were translated into the loping, long-limbed canine.

Lupin charged then; an impossibly large leap brought him within feet of me. His breath plumed against my face and I could smell the coppery blood that soaked his teeth, and scent dead things. Bristling, fur standing on end, he crept infinitesimally closer, his eyes never leaving my face. Over his shoulder, I saw something happen to James Potter; he seemed to sprout horns from the top of his head, but I chalked that madness up to panic as I stumbled out of the reach of Lupin's ferocious jaws, holding my bare hands out in defense. Sirius' dog body rushed me, trying to interpose itself between the werewolf and I, but he was too late.

A split second later, every bone in my left hand was shattered between Lupin's iron jaws. I barely had time to register the pain -- though I heard myself screaming in horror -- before his warm, filthy muzzle was thrust beneath my pale chin. I registered his snapping jaws and the sudden gush of hot liquid as blood poured out of my arteries into his gaping mouth. Distantly, I heard James screaming, but my concentration was centred on Remus' bright, brittle, copper-coloured eyes, which shone like twin moons just inches from my face. His eyes were the last thing I saw before my vision was invaded with uniform black. His weight forced me to the ground, and as I listened to him lapping my spilt blood, everything faded from sight.


	2. The Terrible Truth

Title: Eclipse  
Rating: R  
Main Characters: Severus Snape, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter  
Pairings: Severus/Lily, Remus/Sirius, one-sided!Remus/Lily, one-sided!James/Lily  
Setting: Hogwarts castle, Marauder's fifth year  
Summary: When Sirius Black's prank goes horribly awry, Severus Snape is forced to concede to a future he never imagined. While change makes some improvements in his life, including an unlikely friendship with a Marauder and a romantic relationship with his best friend, Severus learns not everyone is entitled to happy endings. AU. Severus POV. Multi-pairing.  
Spoilers: PoA and beyond  
Challenge: Sky Samuelle proposed an AU Sevily where "_Sirius' prank on Snape in fifth year go awry when James doesn't reach Severus in time: Lupin bites Severus, almost killing him. Lily realizes her feelings for her best friend might not be only platonic_". The challenge is posted on FictionAlley Park.  
Chapter Word Count: 2,095  
A/N: A hearty thanks to SnapeFanatic1, duj, LinkinPark04, Sky Samuelle and Revengent for reviewing! Your comments mean a lot to me.

Happy reading!

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**I.** "I am the acquaintance and the friend  
The lover and beloved in the end  
I am the flower and the thorn, don't fear, don't fear  
I am the season and temporal train  
I am the minor, I am the main  
I am the mind and the story, be here, be here." -- Rumi 146

**ii.** "Dangerous  
The way you leave me wanting more" - Depeche Mode; _Dangerous_

**iii.** "How do you feel?  
How do you feel?  
I can't seem to breathe with a rusted metal heart  
I can't seem to see through solid marble eyes" -- Sparklehorse; _Piano Fire_

The next time I opened my eyes, I was looking into Lily Evans' distressed face.

"Severus, you're awake," she gasped, jumping up from the chair that had been placed near my bed. A book fell from her lap, landing on the floor with a thick thud; she ignored this, and let her quill and ink slip from her hands as well as she stared anxiously at me. Her green eyes were wide with horror, but she hid her shock well, touching my forehead gingerly with the palm of her hand like one checking for a fever. "Are you -- er, how are you?"

I tried to speak, but nothing emerged from my throat except for a hoarse gasp. My hands flew up to my neck; I felt a thick swatch of bandage, and my fingers came away slightly damp. There was blood on my fingertips, I saw, and I clenched my jaw against the sudden rise of bile in my throat. The hospital wing suddenly seemed far too cold; I could barely twitch my fingers through the chill that invaded my body. Thoughts flooded back to my mind, visions of the werewolf's improbable form and the thick coat of unkept fur that had obscured his skin. I could still smell the horrible stench of his breath. Panic coursed through my body, traveling along my veins as I looked at Lily, bewildered and afraid, my lips forming a hundred questions I knew she could not answer.

"You were attacked, a few nights ago," she said softly, confirming the dark suspicions I had hoped were only lingering nightmares, "by a werewolf. By Remus Lupin." I was suddenly aware that she had taken hold of my uninjured hand, because she gave it an unconscious squeeze as she spoke his name. Her bottom lip trembled. Indicating a bed across the way that was enclosed by a sombre white curtain, she frowned. "He's over there, resting. Madam Pomfrey gave him a draught for dreamless sleep – you've had some too, for all the good it's done," she clarified when I blinked. "She's keeping him. He – he was quite a mess when they brought him in."

It took significant effort to reclaim my voice, but I managed, my words emerging raw and painful from my hoarse throat.

"He – Lupin – he is the one that did this to me?" Holding up my bandaged left hand, I shuddered, wondering what sort of damage Remus could have possibly endured in his werewolf form. He loomed invincible in my mind, the proof of his virtual immortality evident in my ruined body. I vaguely remembered fighting him, pummelling him with hands while James Potter fired luminous spells in my defence, and still, Remus had savaged me as if my protests were nothing more substantial than a mosquito's whine. Irregardless of James' curses and my own fists, Lupin had carried on his macabre attack, and the damage was thorough. The taste of Skele-gro lingered in my mouth, but my hand was still resolutely broken.

Lily nodded gravely. "Yes, it was Remus," she informed me softly. "But he didn't mean to, Severus," she added quickly, "and I'm sure he feels terrible. He'd never have wanted anything like this to happen to anyone." _Not even you_, I imagined her thinking, though of course, she said nothing of the sort.

I burned with indignation, frustrated and hurt by how quickly she came to Lupin's defence. _You're my friend, you belong to me, Lily,_ I thought bitterly, remembering the girl-child of eleven who had wept in my arms after a fight with her sister. She had been mine then, before the Sorting and the Houses and the inevitable Gryffindor friendships loomed as obstacles to separate us. I thought of Remus Lupin and hated him. _She's mine, only mine. There was a time when she had eyes only for me._

Unaware of my thoughts, she went on. The words tumbled from her mouth in an urgent rush.

"Remus can't control what he does when the moon is full, Severus, you must understand, no werewolf can. I know you've read about them in Defence Against the Dark Arts; werewolves are a terrible threat because they cannot even prevent themselves from attacking a loved one. If someone gets in their way, the have no power over themselves. It's a terrible situation, almost unimaginable. Please don't blame him." She tossed an apologetic glance at Lupin's closed curtain, as if worried my anger would injure him.

"I blame Black," I managed to spit. "Black and Potter." Their names sounded unspeakably filthy in my ears, and I could taste the cold, metallic hatred that suffused my mouth as I spoke.

Lily did not understand. "What, Sirius and James? They haven't been in here teasing you, have they? I wonder where they are, anyway." She sighed impatiently and looked around the wing as if to catch them hiding behind the stacks of clean bed-sheets or among the bottles of curative potions that covered bed-side table.

"Those boys," she continued in a tone that bordered on tolerant affection. I uttered some swear my teeth, but she blithely appeared not to notice. "I haven't seen the two of them since last night after supper. Neither of them were at breakfast today, nor did they come to any of our joint classes. I suppose they must have been given detentions for something; I don't think Sirius can sit through an entire class of anything except Transfiguration without causing some sort of mayhem."

Lily drew a deep breath and looked me over, suddenly serious. "I didn't know where you were either, until Professor Slughorn told me he'd had word that you were here," she added, a note of regret in her voice. "I'm sorry, I'd have liked to visit sooner. I asked about you over the weekend, but no one had seen you, and I assumed maybe you had gone home. I would have come up immediately if I'd known what had happened, but of course, none of your friends bothered to tell me. Not even Slughorn knew precisely what had happened. I had to get the truth out of the Headmaster." Returning to the subject at hand, she frowned deeply. "But how can you blame Sirius or James for this, Severus? Of course, I understand they can be idiots at times –"

"Idiots!" I croaked, sounding unhinged in my abrupt anger. "It was Sirius Black who lured me out there, knowing exactly what I would find!"

Ignoring Lily's sudden expression of doubt and confusion I went on, desperate for her to know the truth about the boys she shared a House with. Just the knowledge that she had ever considered Sirius a friend of hers made me shake with fury. She opened her mouth to protest, shaking her head wildly, but I cut her off, already guessing at her explanation.

"Before you dare try to convince me it was all a terrible prank gone wrong, you ought to know precisely what happened. He laughed in my face when Lupin charged. Black asked if I was happy, knowing what _he_ really was." My uninjured index finger jabbed the air in Lupin's direction. "Sirius didn't simply mean for me to know the truth about Remus, he meant for this to happen. He meant for me to be killed!"

"No," she said slowly. Her voice was desperate, begging me to take back the accusation. "Sirius is a good person. He would never – never –"

"Don't give me that," I snapped back at her wildly. "You weren't there. You didn't see the look on his face. He wanted me killed, and I very nearly was!"

Her hand had gone cold in mine, her skin icy. "I don't believe –"

"Believe me!" I crushed her hand in mine as I hollered, letting her wince at the pain of my grip, hoping she would see the light. "You think just because they're Gryffindor that makes them good, Lily? Because it doesn't; Black was a willing accomplice to Remus' werewolf. Attempted murder, that's what it was." Glowering at her, I shook. "They're dangerous, Lily –"

"Out! Get out!" came a sudden stern voice. We both turned as Madam Pomfrey strode into the room, clutching a number of potions' phials and looking furious. She glared at Lily. "He's awake, is he? No wonder! I can hear the racket you're making all the way in my office. You know the rules. The sign is posted clearly outside. Absolutely no visitors until further notice. These boys need their rest."

"But Severus is my friend, as is Lupin, and it's always been visiting hours until dinner time in this wing," retorted Lily, bristling almost at once. "I brought some Transfiguration books for Remus – it's his favourite subject, he'll be loathe to fall behind – and I was told to deliver Severus his Potions homework," she added, indicating the book that had been left on the floor. "Professor Slughorn meant for him to have it."

Madam Pomfrey shook her head and gave her wand a stern flick, summoning the discarded book. She pointed to the open doorway with her index finger. "The ban on visitors is absolute. If Horace has additional assignments, he may deliver them to me in person, and I will pass them on in turn. You may instruct him, young lady, to summon me before attempting to enter this ward again. No visitors will be tolerated for the time being, and that includes professors!"

Her voice dropped slightly as if to disguise what she was saying; no matter, I could hear her perfectly. Despite my exhaustion, all my senses were keen. "It isn't safe to be wandering around these corridors, not with these two in here. They could cause serious damage to anyone who crosses their path. We aren't sure what to expect, especially from this one, here," she whispered, nodding towards me. "The other boy has never given me trouble, but I've never had to deal with a situation like this. Now go on, young lady, and I don't expect to see your face around here again until Dumbledore has given permission for the wing to be opened to visitors."

"But why?" came Lily's petulant voice. She hovered near me a moment longer as though she assumed if she held onto my body she would not be thrown out.

"Because they are dangerous, that's why," stated Madame Pomfrey forcefully, guiding her away from the bed with one hand on her back. "Don't you know the least thing about werewolves?"

My heart froze mid-beat when I heard her speak the plural. Ever since I had awoken to the pain that came in the aftermath of the attack, I'd wondered what the consequences of being bitten would be, but I had never accepted the worst. My hands began shaking in earnest and my stomach seemed to twist upon itself as if I'd swallowed something that was still very much alive. Craving only Lily's touch and a reassuring promise that Madam Pomfrey's words had been a slip of a tongue, I watched as Lily glanced over to Lupin's closed curtain.

"Remus is a werewolf, that is true," said Lily gently. She spoke in such a calm voice that I was certain she had known about the important fact much earlier than I had, perhaps even since first being sorted in Gryffindor. "But what that has to do with Severus I hardly –"

"He was bitten by a completely transformed werewolf in the light of the full moon," interrupted Pomfrey. Her eyes narrowed and she clutched her bottle of Skele-gro against her chest like a weapon. "A bright girl like you can certainly understand what that means for him. He has been infected, and now, he is a werewolf. My main concern now is what effect the transformation will have on him. I've never worked with a newly transformed werewolf; most are bitten in infancy, the rest rarely survive being savaged," she snapped. "Now run along. As you can see, I have important work to do."


	3. Lament

Title: Eclipse Rating: R  
Main Characters: Severus Snape, Lily Evans, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, James Potter  
Pairings: Severus/Lily, Remus/Sirius, one-sided!Remus/Lily, one-sided!James/Lily  
Setting: Hogwarts castle, Marauder's fifth year  
Summary: When Sirius Black's prank goes horribly awry, Severus Snape is forced to concede to a future he never imagined. While change makes some improvements in his life, including an unlikely friendship with a Marauder and a romantic relationship with his best friend, Severus learns not everyone is entitled to happy endings. AU. Severus POV. Multi-pairing.  
Spoilers: PoA and beyond  
Challenge: Sky Samuelle proposed an AU Sevily where "_Sirius' prank on Snape in fifth year go awry when James doesn't reach Severus in time: Lupin bites Severus, almost killing him. Lily realizes her feelings for her best friend might not be only platonic_". The challenge is posted on FictionAlley Park.  
Chapter Word Count: 2,110  
A/N: I hadn't planned to update quite so soon, but since the writing is going smoothly, why not? I'd like to thank SnapeFanatic1, duj, LinkinPark04, Sky Samuelle, Revengent, NorthAngel27 and Princess of Lightning for commenting on the previous chapters! Reviews make it all worth while.

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**i. **"Red follows grey across the air, the waves of  
moonlight ebb and flow  
But with the Dawn she does not go and in the  
night-time she is there." -- Oscar Wilde, _The Sphinx_

**ii.** "Have I held out for something  
That is never going to happen?" -- Snow Patrol, _One Night is Not Enough _

**iii.** "I am dangerous  
never let the light sentiments  
of poetry fool you." -- Ann Barcelon, _Remember_

"Don't say things like that, Severus!"

"I'd rather be dead!" I shouted again, kicking aside the clean sheets that covered me. My whole body trembled with dizziness as I tried to stand up, and the cold floor beneath my bare feet made me shudder with sudden, overwhelming discomfort. Staring up at Lily's stricken face, I seethed. "Black wanted me dead, and you know what, Lily? I agree with him! I wish I had died, rather than become -- this!"

I had remained resolutely silent the day before, when my parents had been summoned to the school to hear the terrible news of the werewolf attack. Dumbledore had stood over my bed, speaking reassuring words to me before their arrival. I had ignored him when he had inferred that a werewolf could enjoy a reasonably normal life apart from the nights the full moon rose.

"Society has advanced, Severus. Ignorance and prejudice are giving way to enlightenment as more of your kind step forward to reveal the truth about themselves."

With a shrug, I had dropped my gaze to the highly polished floor and Dumbledore's boots. "People will always fear what they don't understand, sir." I had recognised my tone as surly, but the Headmaster did not call me out for my attitude. "Even the most advanced wizards still shy away from Dark creatures."

"You are not a dark creature, Severus," he had told me forcefully, his blue eyes blazing as he looked at me. His gaze had been a silent challenge. "You are a normal young man with a problem, a problem I would like to help you overcome the best I can. As I have told you, you will be welcome at Hogwarts so long as I am Headmaster here."

"I'm dangerous."

"A ridiculous notion. During all other phases of the moon, you will remain just as harmless as you are now. You will enjoy complete control over yourself, so long as you choose to enforce it. As for the time of the full moon, well, arrangements can be made for you. Perhaps you will not even need to endure as Remus Lupin has endured. There is hope on the horizon. Potions are even now in development, Severus," he had informed me. "These potions might permit a werewolf to keep his human mind even during the transformation." This fact had not changed the look of utter sorrow in his blue eyes, and I had turned my face away from him as best I could with the thick bandages binding me, not wanting to give myself permission to hope.

My mother had dissolved into tears at once at the sight of me. Horrible, muffled sobs had risen from her throat when the curtain around my bed was drawn back to exposed my scarred and bandaged face. When I met her eyes, she had given an unearthly wail, falling at once towards Dumbledore, who had slung an arm around her shoulders and cradled her a moment, looked uncomfortable. My father had remained remarkably stoic, almost to the point of disinterest, paying more attention to the broomstick riders soaring beyond the small window than he did to me or the Headmaster. He had spoken little, scarcely paying attention until Dumbledore had rattled off the list of potions I was to be given. When he had started to explain the process of security my parents would have to follow when I was at home on hiatus, my father had finally appeared to notice the conversation going on around him.

"I don't understand," my mother had gasped when Dumbledore had mentioned sending me home for recuperating. "You can't be considering sending him home for the now, Dumbledore! I'm not so sure we'll be able to have him with us over the summer holidays either. We live near Muggles! What if he got out of hand, or --"

"-- God forbid, bit somebody," finished my father at once, looking repulsed as he studied my shattered hand in its white cast. "Nothing doing, absolutely no chance of him returning home now or in June. No, he's far better off at the school, a sharp lad like Severus." It was the first compliment I had ever heard escape his lips, and it rang false in my ears. "Anyway, as you must know, I don't know the first thing about those potions you're going on about. Nor does my wife. It'll only add to the confusion at home. No, he'll have to be kept here, out of harm's way."

For the first time in my life, they had been united in something, both of them determined to keep me out of their lives forever now that they finally had an excuse to abandon me. Dumbledore had looked perplexed. "I was under the impression, Eileen, that you were a talented Potions brewer in your time here. Perhaps you could consent to brewing some mixtures for him, in your spare time. If that is not acceptable, there are of course Apothecaries, and many are happy to deliver by owl order."

"Eileen, make potions?" my father had gaped. He had given my mother a sharp look that clearly indicated there would be some serious shouting going on at Spinner's End that evening. Normally, he preferred to ignore any traces of magic that either my mother or I exhibited, and having such talk thrust at him made him uncomfortable. "I'm afraid that's not possible. Look, sir," he had drawled, shaking his head at Dumbledore. "We're not interested in drawing attention to ourselves in that way, not at all. All this magic nonsense, well, I put up with it for Eileen's sake, and the boy's, but you can't seriously expect us to devote our lives to his condition! Now, we can hardly be blamed for the fact that you've allowed these creatures into the school."

"No," Dumbledore had said sadly. "I suppose not."

"Well then, I expect you'll agree when I say that you and the school governors are solely responsible for this regrettable incident. It was one of your charges that put my son in this condition, and it'll be you who deals with the situation. Is that quite clear?"

My mother had faltered under my glare. "Toby, please," she had whispered into my father's ear. "It's not Severus' fault. We can hardly wash our hands of the boy! Hogwarts closes over the summer; the Professor can't very well host him in the empty dormitories. Perhaps we can arrange for him to stay with one of your sisters, or out in the country over the holidays."

"He'll be kept in school," my father had directed on no uncertain terms, and had stormed from the room. My mother had left a few minutes later, after wringing my hand a number of times and rambling on nervously in her small voice about how she loved me no less and would make certain to write.

I had studiously ignored both them and Dumbledore, who had tried to soothe my feelings by offering me a box of candy that had been left on the bureau. It was not until he handed it over that I had spotted the name Remus on the tag, and pushed it back at him. I had fallen asleep intermittently, listening to the sounds of a Quidditch match through the window and assuring myself none of it mattered. When Lily was finally allowed to visit, however, my anguish had erupted.

"I wish he'd killed me!" I screamed at the top of my voice, my arms flailing in inarticulate anger and panic. "Why did they have to pull him off me? I'm destroyed. My whole life is ruined." Glaring up at her through dark, fiery eyes, I pointed a finger at my ruined face. "Who will look at me now?" I demanded, despite the fact that I had never considered myself attractive and had never previously been so vain as to care about my looks.

"I'm looking," came her soft voice, so quiet she was almost inaudible.

"You!" I hollered, my rage exploding upon the only target in the room. I pictured my father when I shouted her down. He had always been one to erupt in violence and accusations at the least provocation, and as much as I hated what I was doing, I saw myself imitating his anger. "What do you care what happens to me? You're great friends with the lot of them still, aren't you?"

Shaking, I remembered the day of the Sorting our first year, when she had settled between Sirius and James and I had wondered if she would be lost from me forever. The old jealousy flared in my heart. "I expect yesterday when I was being force fed Skele-gro and listening to my parents argue with Dumbledore about who should take responsibility for me, you were up in your common room with your stupid Gryffindor pals, listening to that arse Sirius Black brag about how he got the last laugh!"

Lily raised her face to me, and I could see pain behind the burning ferocity of her expression. "Severus, you're being ridiculous," she announced coldly. "I'm sorry you're in pain, and I'm sorry for what you're going through. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, let alone on you, my best friend, but you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Can't you see I'm trying to help you? You might remember that the next time you decide to jump down my throat." She dropped a number of books onto my lap, knocking my breath away. "Slughorn sent more homework up with me," she added, spinning on her heel and marching toward the door.

All at once my anger evaporated. The hospital wing seemed too large and deserted for me to bear remaining there alone. "No, Lily, don't go. I'm sorry."

"What was that, Severus?" she asked coldly, her tone brisk, unwilling to let me off the hook so easily.

"Stay with me," I requested, unable to look her in the face for fear she would be gloating. Something about her always stole the pride and aloofness that I was determined to cloak myself with and I sat there before her, vulnerable. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled at you. Only, please don't go. I can't stand to be here by myself." My honesty made me embarrassed, but it worked. She walked back to my side and took my hand. Somehow, the heat of her skin made everything I had endured worthwhile.

"Don't shout at me anymore, okay? Do you promise?"

"Of course. I'm sorry."

"I'd be upset too," she pointed out reasonably. "Look, Severus, I know that you're angry. I realise that you're hurt and probably scared." I blushed at this and opened my mouth to deny everything, but she ignored me and continued on. "I certainly don't envy you, but there is no reason to make it any worse that it already is. Besides, look at the silver lining. Most werewolves have to endure everything independently, with no help from the outside world. At least you won't be completely alone."

I shrugged rudely. "How so? Don't tell me you're planning to have Lupin bite you as well."

She laughed in my face, refusing to be insulted. "No, but you do see the point, don't you? Unlike most, you already know a fellow werewolf. You've got Remus Lupin." Her expression became serious. "I don't suppose you want to hear this, but he could help you, Severus. After all, he's gone through the same thing. He wasn't born a werewolf, he was bitten too. He's spent years coping with the aftermath of it, going to St Mungo's so they could poke and prod him, trying experimental potions. He'd certainly help you understand yourself better, now."

"How do you know all this about him?" I demanded, a bit envious of him. I pictured Remus and Lily sitting side by side before the Gryffindor fireplace, exchanging secrets, and my jaw clenched against the insults I wanted to hurl. "I wasn't under the impression that Lupin said two words in a row to anybody except Sirius Black."

"We talk, of course," she informed me easily, unaware of my resentment. "If you stopped insulting him for five minutes, you would realise he's an excellent conversationalist. I suppose you'd rather like him, actually, if you spent time getting to know him. He's nothing like James or Sirius."

"I don't care what he knows or what he's like, Lily. There is no possibility of me ever speaking to that mangy werewolf, and that's final." I gave her a harsh look and she sighed, the bright possibility of hope fading from her eyes.


End file.
